Introduction and definition

Possible understatement of the year: We humans have a hard time getting along with each other.

Anyone following news reports with any frequency will certainly understand this sentiment. But our difficulty in getting along with each other affects more than international politics.

In this article, I will discuss how getting along with others in your life — family, friends, and coworkers, among others — can make a big difference to your health, your happiness, and the overall quality of your life.

But first, I should define my terms. We hear the phrase all the time, but just what is meant by “getting along”?

Getting along: a brief definition

I use the phrase “getting along” a lot — “getting along” with others is the goal.  But what, exactly, does this mean?  How do you know when you are “getting along” (as opposed to, for example, just shutting up about stuff that’s driving you crazy to keep the peace)?  What if “getting along” means one thing to you and something else to others in your life?

Getting along means dealing with others in such a way that everybody has the best possible chance of achieving their goals and getting what they want out of their life.

The heart and soul of getting along

The above is a good functional definition of getting along. But the most important part, the “Holy Grail” that makes getting along with others almost inevitable, is the mindset.

Close friends often experience this: when something good happens to one of them — getting a promotion, winning a scholarship, or other good fortune — the other friend experiences a burst of genuine happiness.

It can be tricky in today’s world, with our inevitable suspicion and mistrust of others. But it is worth the effort to achieve this kind of goodwill in your dealings with others, as this is the most direct path to mutual benefit and the ever desirable “win – win.”

Next: Here are some of the ways that maximizing your “getting along” skills (and, along the way, showing others how to do the same) can help you to “live long and prosper.”

Reducing loneliness

Are you lonely? If so, you have plenty of company. A recent study shows that one third (emphasis mine) of Americans say they feel lonely at least once a week.

Loneliness is the result of a lack of connections with other people. To reduce loneliness, improve and increase your connections with others.

And it turns out that the ability to connect with others, even briefly, is an important ingredient in learning to get along with others more consistently.

Getting along is good for your health

My original title for this article was “Getting along is a survival skill.” If getting along well is in fact an antidote to loneliness, the “survival skill” part of my title may be accurate.

On its web page titled Health Effects of Social Isolation and Loneliness, the US Center for Disease Control (CDC) states that:

“Social isolation and loneliness can increase a person’s risk for:

• Heart disease and stroke.
• Type 2 diabetes.
• Depression and anxiety.
• Suicidality and self-harm.
• Dementia.
• Earlier death.”

Read on for more benefits to be gained by making the effort to get along with others. However, you might agree that reducing your chances of interacting with that list of unpleasantness would be a darned good start.

 Getting along can improve close relationships

For most people, I believe the most important aspect of getting along will be the improved relationships with others that they are close to and with whom they interact frequently. This will usually mean family, friends, and coworkers.

(But see the section below, “Getting things done right,” to learn about how a great working relationship with someone whose skills are important to you can provide terrific results for all concerned.)

At work: surviving the rat race

Getting along is a two-way street. Dealing with others honestly and reasonably at all times is, of course, essential. But it is equally important to figure out how to receive this kind of consideration from others as well.

This is true when it comes to dealing with others in any kind of environment, but it is especially true at work. All of the elements are in place for serious trouble: in most cases, the income is essential; you are dealing with the same people day in and day out; and there is a significant power differential involved between “the bosses” and everybody else.

If the studies are to be believed, many, perhaps most, people find their work tolerable at best. I am not saying that an improvement in getting along would turn work into a utopia, but I am convinced that it would make a big difference to enormous numbers of people.

Genuinely getting along at work is a good start. If you are willing to combine this with the 1-2 punch of doing an excellent job and recognizing the value you are providing to your organization, you will have a good chance at succeeding.

For an example of this principle at work in a corporate environment, see my article Treat Me Wrong, Treat Me Right: Who Decides?

Getting things done right (as defined by you)

Getting along can help the bottom line.

Beatles fans will probably remember one of their many hit tunes called “Money can’t buy me love.” Actually I’m not sure that was the title but it was definitely the main point of the song.

But what about the other way around? Maybe not love, but can getting along “buy you money,” as in improve your finances?

When you are counting on another person’s skills to help you get a valuable property ready for sale, the answer is “You bet it can!”

Case in point: To read about how learning to get along with a difficult contractor salvaged an important home remodel, check out Getting Along: Home Remodel Success Story.

Surviving difficult times

There is a growing sense that our world, if not our entire species, is headed for some extremely difficult times. Experience has shown that getting along with friends and neighbors and being part of a community can increase your chances of survival when things get really tough.

Disasters

And speaking of survival, this leads to another stark reminder of just how important we are to each other. Think of a desperate survival situation, perhaps following a natural disaster or simply due to an error in judgment.

A family on a road trip gets stuck in a snowdrift. A hiker in the Grand Canyon sprains an ankle and can’t go on. Or a shipwreck leaves desperate souls lost at sea.

What is, without a doubt, the one thing that all these would-be survivors are hoping to encounter? We know the answer. Other people! In a life-threatening situation, civilization in the form of other humans can literally make the difference between life and death.

Show the kids how it’s done

An important benefit for parents will be the marvelous example they will be setting for their children. We learn best by example, and this is especially true for children. The best way to encourage children to form the habit of dealing with others peacefully and rationally is to show them how it’s done.

Conclusion

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