I use the phrase “getting along” a lot — “getting along” with others is the goal.  But what, exactly, does this mean?  How do you know when you are “getting along” (as opposed to, for example, just shutting up about stuff that’s driving you crazy to keep the peace)?  What if “getting along” means one thing to you and something else to others in your life?

Getting along means dealing with others in such a way that everybody has the best possible chance of achieving their goals and getting what they want out of their life.

The tricky part is the fact that these goals can conflict with each other, so there needs to be a widely understood and agreed upon way to determine what is in fact a valid goal and what encroaches on someone else’s goals.

I believe it is impossible to find a principle that works better in this regard than the time-tested “Live and Let Live.”

It might also be helpful to talk about what “getting along” does not mean. It does not mean simply shutting up about things you don’t like but don’t want to discuss or start an argument over.

An important foundation for getting along is a clear and objective understanding of just what our obligations are and are not to each other. For example, your friend might think that you really should be available to listen to lengthy discussions of various personal problems in his or her life.

If you would prefer to limit this type discussion, is this a case of you not getting along? Or are you simply exercising your rights as an individual? These are the “gray areas” that need to be clarified as well as possible.